The written word
is a powerful tool
but it is us
it is Us who choose
to deceive
and believe.

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Friday, April 08, 2011
All We Need Is Love And Beer
I need a beer. And I need you with me. I need you to tell me I'm being stupid, and slap me silly to make me see the sense in things again. I need you to be sensible for me because for some reason i am suddenly unable to. Is it because I fell from that infernal stunt a coupleof months ago? Is it the sleepless nights, all the alcohol I've ingested? I don't know what the reason is, but for some reason I feel very very stupid. I know it, but I can't keep myself from acting on it, from doing idiotic things that I know are idiotic. I need you to slap the sense into me. The way you always used to do.

You said I could depend on you for that, didn't you? You said I can always depend on you for that. Where are you now then? Too busy. You're all talk, as usual. But then, everyone is. Such beautiful, empty words. The truth is, no matter what anyone, no matter what everyone says, the only one who would look after me is myself. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, I can handle this on my own. I have to handle this on my own, because people don't really care about what's happening to me. Scratch that. People don't really care what what's happening's doing to me. What they care about, what they want to know is what's happening. Because that's how people are. they say curiosity killed the cat, but I say the cats' curiosities are killing me. Because they don't listen. They judge even before the story is halfway told.

And I really don't want to think about any of this so I was thinking of getting drunk with you the way we always used to whenever one of us had a problem or even if no one did, but oh well.

Anyway, even if you showed up outside my house with a case of beer and we drowned my sorrows in alcohol the way we drowned our inhibitions almost one year ago that night at the pool, it won't matter. It's too late. You're a couple of weeks too late darling. Nothing can undo this. Not even you.

no whispers
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Birthday Post Number 1
So. After all that fuss about it, it's my birthday and I am now 20. Whoop-de-doo, goodbye teenage days. I don't feel much different. LOL.

I posted a Bucket List about two weeks back, and now here are the results:

1. Get drunk enough to dance on a table. No, I didn't. I didn't even get drunk. In fact, I didn't even get to have anything to drink from then 'til now. I know people I know who know that last year I went out drinking at least once a week won't believe that, but it's the truth. I am a changed girl. :))

2. Go swimming in the campus pool after hours.Well, no, I didn't get to do this either. I was pretty hesitant to begin with. And then, on the day that we planned to do it...

We went to SM instead. Yes, we went to the mall and got high on coffee and food. LOL.

3. Cut my hair short.YES I DID! I wish I had a before and after photo just so I could prove it. Well, until I can find photos, you'll just have to take my word for it. HAH!

4. Confess to my crush.Well? This one's pretty easy. As I've said, I've done it around half a dozen times before. But this time, well. This time I didn't get to do it. I wasn't even goin to confess, i just wanted to talk. But the timing was wrong: it was raining, and he was in a hurry. In so much hurry he couldn't even spare a minute, yes, that busy. I didn't want to push it, so yea. NVM this, it doesn't matter anyway. :p

5. Learn to do a cartwheel.YES I DID THIS ONE TOO! I'm very excited, can you tell? Of course, i can't do it all the time. In fact, I think those times I actually managed to land on my feet were flukes. Still! It's owsm that I managed to do it after only two days of trying.

6. PARTY!! No, I didn't get to do this either. DUH, I just said so in numbah 1. I was a good girl all month.

That's the end of the bucket list results. But this is just birthday post number 1. I want to blog about today as well, because something good happened. I just can't do it, not right now. So,

To be continued...

(4) whispered
Sunday, January 09, 2011
The Thought that Counts

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket...

A year ago, for my boyfriend's birthday and also as a going away present, I gave him a bottle of origami stars. Each star, when unfolded, would turn out to be a strip of paper with a message written on it. The idea was that he could open one star a day every day he was gone. He was gone for about four months, which meant roughly 120 stars.

The year before that, and again for his birthday I arranged for little surprise presents to b delivered to him throughout the day. A Snickers bar came via a classmate of his. A keychain was delivered by a high school batchmate, and a letter by their band's drummer. The clincher, his birthday cake, I smuggled into their dorm. I begged the dorm owner, who was thankfully my mom's friend and my friend's mom, to hide the cake in their refrigerator and surprise him. All this meant I had to skip lunch for a week, but his smile, his surprise, his happiness was totally worth the trouble.

I remember now, the Snickers bar friend asked me then, "Why are you putting so much effort for this? He never did, for you."

He was right, probably. It must be strange for him to know that I, the girl, and not my bf would do stupid things like checking the other's schedule and showing up when his class ends. Is it so strange that I do that? Is it strange that I show up even when he never has the time after class, and I only get to talk to him for a minute after waiting for an hour? Is it strange that i sometimes skip class just to be with him for a little longer?

Yes. Now that I think of it, it is. It's strange, and self-indulgent, and irresponsible. And I guess worst of all, it's demeaning to be told that he does not treat me preciously enough.

(5) whispered
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wishful thinking
I write about the things i remember in the hopes that i may forget.

The author reserves the right to deviate from the truth.
I may be making up stories.
I may be lying.
I may be hallucinating.
I may be dreaming.

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